What happens when coaching isn’t an option? Cersei Lannister

This month we were going to offer you an article on the iconic Cersei Lannister from Game of Thrones, the 20th ruler of the Seven Kingdoms and its first officially recognised queen.

She is a very interesting character: ruthless, ambitious, wilful, cold, cunning; willing to betray anyone who stands in her way; and ready to do anything to protect her own and those she loves. Her ikigai is to ensure that the Iron Throne is controlled by House Lannister.

The problem is this: she’s not coachable.

Narcissism and coaching don’t mix

Cersei Lannister grew up angry and resentful towards her parents, because her mother died and her father favoured her younger brother. She then repeats this pattern with her own children, favouring one above the others. In her behaviour, she proves to be “a late-blooming sociopath” and a narcissist.

We won’t go into the details, in case you’re one of the five people on earth who’ve not read the books or seen the entire series. However, for this reason, she needs a counselor or psychiatrist — not a coach — and, as an ICF-accredited coach, it would be my ethical duty to refer her to the appropriate specialist.

Why I wouldn’t be able to coach Cersei

This article goes into detail about why narcissists aren’t able to be mentored, and many of these reasons explain why they can’t be coached either.

When you enter into a coaching agreement with a client, they must possess certain characteristics in order for the coaching to work. They should be willing to admit imperfections and to recognise the need to accept corrections. They should be able to challenge a coach in a non-defensive way. Admitting weakness and showing empathy are also important features of coaching clients.

But narcissists don’t possess these characteristics.

Instead, they distance themselves from the coaching process. They either cannot admit that they need to be coached, or they can’t see how their own behaviour might need to change. In exploring why they may be experiencing difficulties, they look outside of themselves — often blaming others for their failures.

Narcissists also enjoy conflict and argument. They build their pain on it. Their insatiable need to win an argument means that they often operate from a place of selfishness. They lack empathy and cannot handle disappointment.

All of these factors make them uncoachable. So, no article on Cersei Lannister.

But stand by for next month! We’ve got a great one.